a foolish, irrelevant ‘child’ has decimated my world & I am struggling to breath at the moment….. OK, so if you read my post in the last few hours, my post today was pretty negative……. I am in a low place and it’s a challenge not to stay stuck there. I feel like this fragile flower in a jungle of concrete & hob nailed boots….and it doesn’t take a real lot for me to be undone. You know – the typical….. ‘How are you?’ greeting ….. not a good thing to ask me right now! This afternoon I have read numerous artists’ blogs whose writers seem to be in a similar place & because I don’t know their circumstances (the stories are appropriately veiled) the story has no soul – it is just sad writing. This cyber experience prompted me to come back & re-write my post……..and while I still feel there is a cathartic value in ‘getting it out’ (whether in writing or in another form) perhaps a blog to the world in general is not the appropriate place that I want to share this. (I am sure I have many fans for ‘Come back tomorrow for the next installment of SAD Keron!’) The thing is that I am in the process of a significant professional change. I did not initiate it, it became out of my control, I did not invite and do not like it. It has had major financial & life implications that aren’t really what I’d hoped for by this age – so, I am grieving & sad. That’s not really all, but that’s all. Art seems trivial & daily routine is insignificant. I don’t care that my half finished art projects are languishing……..my place of solace at the moment is my garden. We have had a little rain…..I have planted some herbs, I have been weeding & pruning mercilessly & have mulched the garden…….. I am finding grace & beauty there & it is helping me to re-ground important things.
I am blessed with special friends & precious people in my life who are walking the journey with me, making the challenge easier to bear. Their comfort in itself is a joy. Thank you dear hearts.
NOTE TO SELF: ‘Never allow anyone to rain on your parade & thus cast a pall of gloom & defeat on the entire day. Remember that no talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character, no creative genius is required to set up a fault-finding business. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it. Your life is too precious to be sacrificed in wasted days combating the menial forces of perceived failure, self loathing & regret. Guard your fragile life carefully. Only God can shape a flower, but any foolish child can pull it to pieces.’(Adapted – Og Mandino)